The Blog of many topics

Is "liberal" a poor choice of words? To be liberated is to be freed. Is it possible for one to be free when it comes to political views or just one's mentality? Aren't we all somewhat constrained to the values of society? Even if we fight it, to completely liberate oneself is impossible.
But still I continue to fight and everyday I realize yet another minor unwritten rule of society is only necessary because we were conditioned to believe so.

With that said this entry contains multiple subjects of a personal and impersonal nature.


I've worn nothing bu long sleeves since I was in the ninth grade (3 years approx) which wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't live in a place where the average temperature is 90 degrees. I went to the beach in long sleeves. I went to band camp in long sleeves (which is torture trust me). I've had to hear repeated comments from many people about how I'm insane. I've had to constantly argue with my parents and hear their whining. All because of my long sleeves. I suffered for my long sleeves and what lie beneath them. 'Cause I certainly didn't wear long sleeves for the hell of it.
We've discussed in past entry my issues with self harm. I've had issues and my arm paid for it.. and I've been wearing long sleeves to hide that. ..until now. Now I say fuck it. I wore long sleeves so people wouldn't know, but why do I care? Am I afraid people will accuse me of searching for attention? Why should I care what these people think?! Am I afraid because society teaches us to keep these things hush hush? Why is it a curse because I went through something? Why should I suffer because this isn't something people want to hear about? I don't want to shout it to the world. I preferably don't want anyone to see, but so what if they do. I don't care about these people.. so I don't see why it should matter what they see and don't see. I shouldn't have to suffer for them.. because society considers my decisions taboo. Fuck it.



Discussion 2

Is medication a cure or a curse? What is required to be diagnosed worthy of happy pills? So what if I have an unbalance in my brain? Isn't that just part of my personality? Isn't that just who I am? Wouldn't taking medication to fix that be like conforming to society? Who are these people to decide if I'm crazy? And who are they to interfere with that? It may affect my everyday living.. hell I may be unstable.. but maybe I'm meant to be this way. Is the really a problem medication is saving me from.. or are people creating the medication to turn us into sheep?
And even if there is a problem.. was has medication done to solve it? I've been taking the generic zoloft (sertraline i think it's called) for almost a year now... (well actually I stopped taking it a month ago but let's not tell my mom that).. I don't think it helped me at all. To me it increased the emptiness I've always felt.. it increased my already intense anger and dislike for myself... it increased every bad emotion except my depression. It did ease my depression.. and replaced it with a void. I felt like I sold my soul to the doctor.. I mean devil. I compromised the one part of me that felt real (my sadness).. the one part of me that reminded me how I'm still human.. and replaced it with wires.
Is medication a cure or a curse? Who considers it the cure? Who considers it the curse?

To me a mental illness is not "crazy".. there is no "crazy". Everything you feel.. from the urge to kill others.. to the voices inside your head.. anything.. can be controlled without medication. Hell have I killed anyone yet? Have I killed myself? It's a battle.. but it turns me into the person I am today.. and I still carry the "craziness" with me.. because it is my character. I don't think you should have medication to rid yourself of that.