Welcome to 2010. Has society itself changed much since my last post on this site? Not really. Have I changed? Incredibly.
I read over this blog and realize that I still battle the same battles.. trying to discover myself.. trying to fight through my own hypocrisy.. trying to to find a healthy space to thrive in. I still care about the same issues. But there is something in my chemistry that is different. I am beginning to feel a sense of urgency. The peaceful side of me is being disrupted by an extreme frustration. I am frustrated that society is so fucked up. I am frustrated by hatred and apathy. I am frustrated that being peaceful accomplishes nothing. I am growing angry. I am slowly being set apart from the rest of the world. I don't blend in with anyone anymore. I'm becoming too radical and opinionated to sit back and be fed utter bullshit. BUT (because my life works in irony and contradictions).. this sense of urgency is, instead of being the fire under my ass to make change, paralyzing me. I get overwhelmed by it.. I feel hopeless because of it.. so while I am about to boil over on the inside.. on the outside I appear motionless.
I think I've reached an all new kind of rut.
And to think.. if I could tap into this anger and frustration and urgency.. I could accomplish so damn much. I could be unstoppable. I have the power to be unstoppable. I'm just too discouraged to unleash it. I feel stuck; therefore, nothing seems exciting and worthwhile. I must find a solution to this.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
This blog is taking a new direction
I get that fresh start I've always dreamed of soon. I head off to college.. only a handful of kids will know me.. and I won't talk to most of the handful. I can be myself now. I can be someone else. I can be anything. What is it I want to be though?
I can't really be myself because I don't know who I am. From hour to hour and day to day I change into a different person, and I don't mean slight changes as I grow and mature. I mean serious changes that completely affect my lifestyle. One minute I love my friends and never want to leave. The next minute I hate them all and pray I can get rid of them as soon as possible. One minute I love nature. The next minute I wish with all my heart I was living in New York. One minute I swear drugs and drinking turn me into a horrible person, and I must stop. The next minute I think they're the only things that keep me alive. One minute I'm happy. The next minute I'm ready to write a suicide note. Every time I turn a new corner I have a new self realization, but every new self realization contradicts the previous one. How do I form a character from this? How do I be myself.. when myself is pulling me in two opposite directions? One second I'm happy as can be.. and I swear to god a second later I'll be so angry I want to scream at someone. I don't though because I'm so good at holding everything in. No one has any clue the kind of thoughts and feelings that linger in me.. because I neutralize such thoughts and feelings before I let them out. One minute I'm praying I'll be shipped off to a mental institution.. the next minute I swear there's absolutely nothing wrong with me at all.
Every time I strive for something I remember how pointless it is. Then I give up. Then I beat myself up for giving up. I could've gotten into NYU, but I didn't try hard enough. I gave up on school, and when I was ready to try again, I had already failed. If I would've stayed in there just a little longer before fucking up, things would have been different. I make myself fail. I make myself this ambivalent fuck up. How can I change that? How can I be someone else?
Friendships or any other form of relationship is based on facades. How do you present yourself to the other person? It's not about who you are. It's about who you show people you are. It's a deceitful game. Some people are aware of this deceit... like when friends I knew tried to pick up girls and made up endless lies to get them... but once they got them they were devoted boyfriends.. they just built a foundation of lies. Others aren't away they're doing this... they date.. they think they are in love... they form friendships.. end said friendships a day later.. but they have no clue that it's all fake. Friendships are about pretending to be something you're not in order to please another person. Who can I be? I'm never happy with who I pretend to be.. and who I pretend to be always attracts the wrong people. The friends that don't think they are being deceitful and think they care about me.. I don't care about. I hate them. I want them to go away. The friends I do care about though.. they know it's not real.. they know it's only a temporary game.. they use me.. and I long to pretend everything I've said in this blog is false. There's no winning.
One minute I want to hang out with friends all the time. The next minute I want to lock myself in a room and never communicate with anyone EVER AGAIN!
So you read this. Tell me who I am. And tell me who I should pretend to be.
I don't have any ideas anymore.
I can't really be myself because I don't know who I am. From hour to hour and day to day I change into a different person, and I don't mean slight changes as I grow and mature. I mean serious changes that completely affect my lifestyle. One minute I love my friends and never want to leave. The next minute I hate them all and pray I can get rid of them as soon as possible. One minute I love nature. The next minute I wish with all my heart I was living in New York. One minute I swear drugs and drinking turn me into a horrible person, and I must stop. The next minute I think they're the only things that keep me alive. One minute I'm happy. The next minute I'm ready to write a suicide note. Every time I turn a new corner I have a new self realization, but every new self realization contradicts the previous one. How do I form a character from this? How do I be myself.. when myself is pulling me in two opposite directions? One second I'm happy as can be.. and I swear to god a second later I'll be so angry I want to scream at someone. I don't though because I'm so good at holding everything in. No one has any clue the kind of thoughts and feelings that linger in me.. because I neutralize such thoughts and feelings before I let them out. One minute I'm praying I'll be shipped off to a mental institution.. the next minute I swear there's absolutely nothing wrong with me at all.
Every time I strive for something I remember how pointless it is. Then I give up. Then I beat myself up for giving up. I could've gotten into NYU, but I didn't try hard enough. I gave up on school, and when I was ready to try again, I had already failed. If I would've stayed in there just a little longer before fucking up, things would have been different. I make myself fail. I make myself this ambivalent fuck up. How can I change that? How can I be someone else?
Friendships or any other form of relationship is based on facades. How do you present yourself to the other person? It's not about who you are. It's about who you show people you are. It's a deceitful game. Some people are aware of this deceit... like when friends I knew tried to pick up girls and made up endless lies to get them... but once they got them they were devoted boyfriends.. they just built a foundation of lies. Others aren't away they're doing this... they date.. they think they are in love... they form friendships.. end said friendships a day later.. but they have no clue that it's all fake. Friendships are about pretending to be something you're not in order to please another person. Who can I be? I'm never happy with who I pretend to be.. and who I pretend to be always attracts the wrong people. The friends that don't think they are being deceitful and think they care about me.. I don't care about. I hate them. I want them to go away. The friends I do care about though.. they know it's not real.. they know it's only a temporary game.. they use me.. and I long to pretend everything I've said in this blog is false. There's no winning.
One minute I want to hang out with friends all the time. The next minute I want to lock myself in a room and never communicate with anyone EVER AGAIN!
So you read this. Tell me who I am. And tell me who I should pretend to be.
I don't have any ideas anymore.
Dare I get personal?
Might as well.. who actually reads this that knows me?
I've been wearing long sleeves later. It's the first time since... *thinks really hard*... the spring semester of ninth grade. Listen... it's been years of wearing long sleeved black t shirts or jackets in a north carolina summer. I can't bear it anymore.. and all because of a miserable past? It's over.. well somewhat over.. and I'm tired of having to suffer for it. So I'm wearing short sleeves. You wanna stare.. fucking stare. I don't care. I'm leaving.. I won't be here anymore.. I don't need to worry about condemning eyes or pity.
I still have to worry about family though.. which is why my heart sunk into my chest when my niece stops and asks me "what happened to your arm?" And worst off.. she stops and asks me when my mom is standing there. I kept mouthing to her "shut up" I think eventually she got the picture. Still.. she's young.. she looks up to me still.. and I don't want her to have to face the reality of my past. I want her to think I'm innocent and strong. It hurt me the first time I realized Melanie used to cut herself. I don't want to think of her hurting. She's my sister. And I am nicoles aunt. This is a side of me she should never have to see. And especially not yet. But now I have explaining to do.
I've been wearing long sleeves later. It's the first time since... *thinks really hard*... the spring semester of ninth grade. Listen... it's been years of wearing long sleeved black t shirts or jackets in a north carolina summer. I can't bear it anymore.. and all because of a miserable past? It's over.. well somewhat over.. and I'm tired of having to suffer for it. So I'm wearing short sleeves. You wanna stare.. fucking stare. I don't care. I'm leaving.. I won't be here anymore.. I don't need to worry about condemning eyes or pity.
I still have to worry about family though.. which is why my heart sunk into my chest when my niece stops and asks me "what happened to your arm?" And worst off.. she stops and asks me when my mom is standing there. I kept mouthing to her "shut up" I think eventually she got the picture. Still.. she's young.. she looks up to me still.. and I don't want her to have to face the reality of my past. I want her to think I'm innocent and strong. It hurt me the first time I realized Melanie used to cut herself. I don't want to think of her hurting. She's my sister. And I am nicoles aunt. This is a side of me she should never have to see. And especially not yet. But now I have explaining to do.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Political hypocrisy
So generally in American politics there are two issues covered:
With that being said, the average american is a hypocrite. We make decisions not based on the basic ideas I stated above but on personal values. The argument is not on whether or not social security should be privatized. It's on whether or not government should control economics. The argument isn't whether or not abortion is moral. It's on whether or not the government should be able to decide what is moral. But people forget that. They get distracted by the specifics and forgot the main topic being argued here. Should government have control?
If you believe government should not have control socially, I don't want you to be like... well government should allow gay people to get married but not allow abortions. It's hypocritical because you're saying that government shouldn't have a say in our social lives then you're turning around and saying that government should very much control social lives. If you are for social liberty, you better back it up. Just because you don't believe government should make abortions illegal does not me that you are a baby kill. On a personal note you can be completely against abortions. If you are, I say you should protest abortion.. spread the word.. and try to convince people that it's wrong. It is your job, as someone who opposes abortion, to speak out and convince the population to share your opinion.. not the government's.
I don't deny that I am a hypocrite at times.. but I'm trying to change that (on a political level at least). I try not to base my decisions on what I believe but on whether the government has the right to make others believe it. Think about that when you consider certain issues. Don't focus on whether it's right or wrong.. focus on whether government has the right to tell you whether it's right or wrong.
- Should government interfere with economic issues
- Should government interfere with social issues
- You believe government should interfere
- You don't believe government should interfere
- A liberal believes government should interfere economically but not socially
- A conservative believes government should interfere socially not economically
- A populist believes government should interfere both economically and socially
- A libertarian believes government should interfere neither economically nor socially
With that being said, the average american is a hypocrite. We make decisions not based on the basic ideas I stated above but on personal values. The argument is not on whether or not social security should be privatized. It's on whether or not government should control economics. The argument isn't whether or not abortion is moral. It's on whether or not the government should be able to decide what is moral. But people forget that. They get distracted by the specifics and forgot the main topic being argued here. Should government have control?
If you believe government should not have control socially, I don't want you to be like... well government should allow gay people to get married but not allow abortions. It's hypocritical because you're saying that government shouldn't have a say in our social lives then you're turning around and saying that government should very much control social lives. If you are for social liberty, you better back it up. Just because you don't believe government should make abortions illegal does not me that you are a baby kill. On a personal note you can be completely against abortions. If you are, I say you should protest abortion.. spread the word.. and try to convince people that it's wrong. It is your job, as someone who opposes abortion, to speak out and convince the population to share your opinion.. not the government's.
I don't deny that I am a hypocrite at times.. but I'm trying to change that (on a political level at least). I try not to base my decisions on what I believe but on whether the government has the right to make others believe it. Think about that when you consider certain issues. Don't focus on whether it's right or wrong.. focus on whether government has the right to tell you whether it's right or wrong.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bob Dylan always says things best
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Illegal Immigration
So I find it disappointing.. that I go to research illegal immigration and cannot find an unbiased site.. nor can I find a .edu site so I can be assured of the accuracy. My solution: I went to the BBC news site.. and got some plain facts.. but these facts really don't support nor refute my argument.
Illegal immigrants count for 3.6% of the population
Illegal immigrants count for 4.9% of the workforce
An estimated 11.5-12 million illegal immigrants live in the US
of which only an estimiated 6.2 million are mexican
and an estimated 5.7 million are women and children
ALSO
Steps to becoming a citizen:
Obtain an LPR
then obtain a green card
must live in the US 5 years to apply for naturalization
File an application
Take a naturalization exam
Participate in an Oath Ceremony
I don't know all the details.. but I know it's an extremely lengthy process.. it can be a fews years before your application is even reviewed. It's also an expensive process.. an application costs roughly $600 and who knows what other expenses there are. I'm not going to research it in detail.
With all of this said let me begin my argument.
I am not condoning illegal immigration. I mean it is "illegal"; therefore, it's obviously wrong and shouldn't be done. But while I say this.. I also don't condemn it. If I was living in Mexico, and I had the chance to go to the land of opportunities and make a better life for myself.. and possibly my children.. I would. Would I do it legally? Definitely not.. not when I have the chance to do it illegally. I don't have to pay taxes.. I still get health benefits. Why become a citizen? It is a lengthy process.. it takes time I don't have.. it costs money I don't have.. and I always have the chance of them denying me. Why would I risk that? I would gladly be an illegal immigrant. It's wrong.. yes. But the people shouldn't be judged so harshly for doing it.
They're not taking your jobs. Maybe you should start working longer hours for lesser money. No? Well maybe you should blame the companies for overworking poor illegal immigrants then. It's not they're fault. Everyone needs to make a living.. and that's all they're doing. It's not like they have the best of jobs.. they usually have shit jobs where people treat them bad.. they get paid next to nothing... why are you going to hate them for that? I think those companies need to stop being assholes and start thinking about their employees.
Why do illegal immigrants deserve your abuse? Give me one good reason.
Next.. don't abuse all Mexicans because they might be an illegal immigrant. That's what I like to call "racism".. which is an instant way to make me HATE YOU! Illegal immigrants shouldn't be criticized in the first place.. so definitely don't criticize an innocent person who's made an honest living because he's spanish. What's wrong with you? I'm tired of hearing people talk about hating Mexicans. Why do you hate Mexicans? Seriously.. I want to know why. What have they done to you personally? And I don't want to know what a single person who happened to be Mexican did to you.. for you to generalize like that.. it better be every mexican on the face of the planet did something to you. So what is it?
Bottom line.. don't tell me you ahte mexicans. Don't tell me you hate illegal immigrants?
Ya know what I hate.. stupid people.
Oh.. and I love people that are like "we shouldn't let anymore immigrants in period." What the hell you idiot? We all come from immigrants. This country was founded on immigration. The whole point of this country was so people could come to "the land of the free".. and escape their harsh life. To deny immigration is denying the whole purpose of this country. Let's send the statue of liberty back to france and blow up ellis island while we're at it. They've held no purpose
Illegal immigrants count for 3.6% of the population
Illegal immigrants count for 4.9% of the workforce
An estimated 11.5-12 million illegal immigrants live in the US
of which only an estimiated 6.2 million are mexican
and an estimated 5.7 million are women and children
ALSO
Steps to becoming a citizen:
Obtain an LPR
then obtain a green card
must live in the US 5 years to apply for naturalization
File an application
Take a naturalization exam
Participate in an Oath Ceremony
I don't know all the details.. but I know it's an extremely lengthy process.. it can be a fews years before your application is even reviewed. It's also an expensive process.. an application costs roughly $600 and who knows what other expenses there are. I'm not going to research it in detail.
With all of this said let me begin my argument.
I am not condoning illegal immigration. I mean it is "illegal"; therefore, it's obviously wrong and shouldn't be done. But while I say this.. I also don't condemn it. If I was living in Mexico, and I had the chance to go to the land of opportunities and make a better life for myself.. and possibly my children.. I would. Would I do it legally? Definitely not.. not when I have the chance to do it illegally. I don't have to pay taxes.. I still get health benefits. Why become a citizen? It is a lengthy process.. it takes time I don't have.. it costs money I don't have.. and I always have the chance of them denying me. Why would I risk that? I would gladly be an illegal immigrant. It's wrong.. yes. But the people shouldn't be judged so harshly for doing it.
They're not taking your jobs. Maybe you should start working longer hours for lesser money. No? Well maybe you should blame the companies for overworking poor illegal immigrants then. It's not they're fault. Everyone needs to make a living.. and that's all they're doing. It's not like they have the best of jobs.. they usually have shit jobs where people treat them bad.. they get paid next to nothing... why are you going to hate them for that? I think those companies need to stop being assholes and start thinking about their employees.
Why do illegal immigrants deserve your abuse? Give me one good reason.
Next.. don't abuse all Mexicans because they might be an illegal immigrant. That's what I like to call "racism".. which is an instant way to make me HATE YOU! Illegal immigrants shouldn't be criticized in the first place.. so definitely don't criticize an innocent person who's made an honest living because he's spanish. What's wrong with you? I'm tired of hearing people talk about hating Mexicans. Why do you hate Mexicans? Seriously.. I want to know why. What have they done to you personally? And I don't want to know what a single person who happened to be Mexican did to you.. for you to generalize like that.. it better be every mexican on the face of the planet did something to you. So what is it?
Bottom line.. don't tell me you ahte mexicans. Don't tell me you hate illegal immigrants?
Ya know what I hate.. stupid people.
Oh.. and I love people that are like "we shouldn't let anymore immigrants in period." What the hell you idiot? We all come from immigrants. This country was founded on immigration. The whole point of this country was so people could come to "the land of the free".. and escape their harsh life. To deny immigration is denying the whole purpose of this country. Let's send the statue of liberty back to france and blow up ellis island while we're at it. They've held no purpose
Thursday, September 6, 2007
The Blog of many topics
Is "liberal" a poor choice of words? To be liberated is to be freed. Is it possible for one to be free when it comes to political views or just one's mentality? Aren't we all somewhat constrained to the values of society? Even if we fight it, to completely liberate oneself is impossible.
But still I continue to fight and everyday I realize yet another minor unwritten rule of society is only necessary because we were conditioned to believe so.
With that said this entry contains multiple subjects of a personal and impersonal nature.
I've worn nothing bu long sleeves since I was in the ninth grade (3 years approx) which wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't live in a place where the average temperature is 90 degrees. I went to the beach in long sleeves. I went to band camp in long sleeves (which is torture trust me). I've had to hear repeated comments from many people about how I'm insane. I've had to constantly argue with my parents and hear their whining. All because of my long sleeves. I suffered for my long sleeves and what lie beneath them. 'Cause I certainly didn't wear long sleeves for the hell of it.
We've discussed in past entry my issues with self harm. I've had issues and my arm paid for it.. and I've been wearing long sleeves to hide that. ..until now. Now I say fuck it. I wore long sleeves so people wouldn't know, but why do I care? Am I afraid people will accuse me of searching for attention? Why should I care what these people think?! Am I afraid because society teaches us to keep these things hush hush? Why is it a curse because I went through something? Why should I suffer because this isn't something people want to hear about? I don't want to shout it to the world. I preferably don't want anyone to see, but so what if they do. I don't care about these people.. so I don't see why it should matter what they see and don't see. I shouldn't have to suffer for them.. because society considers my decisions taboo. Fuck it.
Discussion 2
Is medication a cure or a curse? What is required to be diagnosed worthy of happy pills? So what if I have an unbalance in my brain? Isn't that just part of my personality? Isn't that just who I am? Wouldn't taking medication to fix that be like conforming to society? Who are these people to decide if I'm crazy? And who are they to interfere with that? It may affect my everyday living.. hell I may be unstable.. but maybe I'm meant to be this way. Is the really a problem medication is saving me from.. or are people creating the medication to turn us into sheep?
And even if there is a problem.. was has medication done to solve it? I've been taking the generic zoloft (sertraline i think it's called) for almost a year now... (well actually I stopped taking it a month ago but let's not tell my mom that).. I don't think it helped me at all. To me it increased the emptiness I've always felt.. it increased my already intense anger and dislike for myself... it increased every bad emotion except my depression. It did ease my depression.. and replaced it with a void. I felt like I sold my soul to the doctor.. I mean devil. I compromised the one part of me that felt real (my sadness).. the one part of me that reminded me how I'm still human.. and replaced it with wires.
Is medication a cure or a curse? Who considers it the cure? Who considers it the curse?
To me a mental illness is not "crazy".. there is no "crazy". Everything you feel.. from the urge to kill others.. to the voices inside your head.. anything.. can be controlled without medication. Hell have I killed anyone yet? Have I killed myself? It's a battle.. but it turns me into the person I am today.. and I still carry the "craziness" with me.. because it is my character. I don't think you should have medication to rid yourself of that.
But still I continue to fight and everyday I realize yet another minor unwritten rule of society is only necessary because we were conditioned to believe so.
With that said this entry contains multiple subjects of a personal and impersonal nature.
I've worn nothing bu long sleeves since I was in the ninth grade (3 years approx) which wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't live in a place where the average temperature is 90 degrees. I went to the beach in long sleeves. I went to band camp in long sleeves (which is torture trust me). I've had to hear repeated comments from many people about how I'm insane. I've had to constantly argue with my parents and hear their whining. All because of my long sleeves. I suffered for my long sleeves and what lie beneath them. 'Cause I certainly didn't wear long sleeves for the hell of it.
We've discussed in past entry my issues with self harm. I've had issues and my arm paid for it.. and I've been wearing long sleeves to hide that. ..until now. Now I say fuck it. I wore long sleeves so people wouldn't know, but why do I care? Am I afraid people will accuse me of searching for attention? Why should I care what these people think?! Am I afraid because society teaches us to keep these things hush hush? Why is it a curse because I went through something? Why should I suffer because this isn't something people want to hear about? I don't want to shout it to the world. I preferably don't want anyone to see, but so what if they do. I don't care about these people.. so I don't see why it should matter what they see and don't see. I shouldn't have to suffer for them.. because society considers my decisions taboo. Fuck it.
Discussion 2
Is medication a cure or a curse? What is required to be diagnosed worthy of happy pills? So what if I have an unbalance in my brain? Isn't that just part of my personality? Isn't that just who I am? Wouldn't taking medication to fix that be like conforming to society? Who are these people to decide if I'm crazy? And who are they to interfere with that? It may affect my everyday living.. hell I may be unstable.. but maybe I'm meant to be this way. Is the really a problem medication is saving me from.. or are people creating the medication to turn us into sheep?
And even if there is a problem.. was has medication done to solve it? I've been taking the generic zoloft (sertraline i think it's called) for almost a year now... (well actually I stopped taking it a month ago but let's not tell my mom that).. I don't think it helped me at all. To me it increased the emptiness I've always felt.. it increased my already intense anger and dislike for myself... it increased every bad emotion except my depression. It did ease my depression.. and replaced it with a void. I felt like I sold my soul to the doctor.. I mean devil. I compromised the one part of me that felt real (my sadness).. the one part of me that reminded me how I'm still human.. and replaced it with wires.
Is medication a cure or a curse? Who considers it the cure? Who considers it the curse?
To me a mental illness is not "crazy".. there is no "crazy". Everything you feel.. from the urge to kill others.. to the voices inside your head.. anything.. can be controlled without medication. Hell have I killed anyone yet? Have I killed myself? It's a battle.. but it turns me into the person I am today.. and I still carry the "craziness" with me.. because it is my character. I don't think you should have medication to rid yourself of that.
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